This is gonna be loooong...sorry.
I'm constantly convinced that my actual artistic output is nearly nil. I feel like I should have a lot more to show for my time in school, or personal time, or whatever, and that I'm always coming up short. There isn't a lot of work I can think of that I've done that I'm really psyched over, and there's maybe only one or two pieces I can think of that I felt I "got right" ("getting it right" it a hard thing to describe, but it's more or less, for me, when I look at something I did and think I just nailed it). All my friends seem to have so much work they can stand behind and be proud of, and I don't know what the Heck I have to stand behind.
Part of this anxiety, I know, is stemming from the fact that I've opted out of Senior Thesis– that is, I'm not going to submit my thesis work to the final show. I'll DO the work, since my class grade depends on it, but I'm not going to go in front of the jury and try to get it in. I really don't feel like the topic– "Global Warning"– represents me and what I want to do at all. I just can't make myself give a crap about the work, and I know it shows in my art. If people are going to come and see my work, why would I want them to see half-assed art that I don't care about and don't have any conviction about?
So, I'm submitting to the non-thesis section of the show, the more portfolio-based part of the show. This is where I'm choking up, since I don't know what I want to show. I feel like everyone wants me to draw in 1000 different ways, and now I'm totally confused about what I want to do and how I want to create art. I don't want to have a set "style", but I don't want to look completely sporadic either. Le sigh.
A problem I think I'm having is essentially burnout, at least temporary burnout. I really need to finish school and get the holy Hell out of NYC because this city just drains me. I'm going back home (Florida) for Thanksgiving and I need the break. I haven't been out of the city since March. I can't take much more without screaming. I just want to find a quiet peaceful place, with no people, no subways, no noise, nature, trees, birds, POLITENESS AND COMMON COURTESY, and then maybe I'll get recharged.
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:( You shouldn't feel this way! I think your art has a definite style whether or not you are happy with it. I went though this crisis all of last year trying to figure out what to do...you need to look inside yourself and clump together all the things you love and make them your own...then it kind of just happens...also try looking at contemporary illustrators that you really like....don't worry about what you think your art SHOULD look like think about what style makes you happy and what your comfortable pushing yourself farther with....I really think your woodcuts are amazing...especially the one with the noose in class...don't give up I know this year is balls of work and sucks a lot! I <3 U! xo lindsay
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